It's lasting so long, there seems no end to it. In a rather comic way, every single day offers something new, some boggling plot, crazy turns I've never imagined before. Whenever I feel I'm getting somewhere - heading on towards the finish line -, something happens which puts me back to start, like the Monopoly game, except for the chance card saying go right to start for me means that I don't get anything, I just have to start all over again.

Subsequently, two things happened with me within a time-span of one week.

First, after half a year, I received good news from my psychiatrist that I'm to leave behind the daily Xanax doses. I have slept for over half a year using these, which are really nothing less than hard-drugs. You take 'em, you sleep. I was more than happy, actually I have been nagging her for over weeks that my intentions are to get rid of these pills as I have heard and read many times that they cause nasty addiction. So finally the moment was there, it felt like I won a lottery or something. Only what I didn't know is that in fact, I'm already addicted. What followed were two days and nights straight in hell. No sleep, nightmares when closing my eyes, flashbacks, flashforwards, even physical pain and struggle followed. I thought that I maybe caught some virus: intense sensitivity of the skin, vertigo, nausea, weakness and my heart fell like I would get a cardiac arrest any time of the day. Since there were no true symptoms of a mere coldness (sneezing, coughing and so on), I suspected it has to do something with my abstinence of the most radical drug on earth.

After some calls with psychiatry and psychologist, my fear became truth: now I am a real drug-addict. THANKS STUPID ACCIDENT. If it wasn't all enough yet.

Second thing what happened has to do with the legal issues I still have to face and tend to forget the best I can. Now that my interrogation has taken place a few months ago, the case has now shifted to district attorney. Their first step has taken place now; my driver's license has been confiscated until case has ended.

So, today is officially my last day driving a car for an unknown period of time. Also, it scares the hell out of me, that there is an intention from their side to get my ass somehow punished for anything I might or might not have done. 

Saddest part is that I just started to make peace with the fact that I could have not possibly avoided the accident itself and that in no way I am to be blamed for this. Now, it all starts from the beginning again...

But as always, I will be going strong forward, my family and friends are always there to support me, which makes me stronger than the 300 Spartan hoplites in the battle of Thermopylae. 

MESSAGE TO ALL UPCOMING STRUGGLES: I'M BLOODTHIRSTY AND READY FOR YOU!!