I never read back my blog entries, which probably looks funny to the reader, since I'm most probably repeating myself. I do feel that way, I'm not only in a rollercoaster; I'm in a rollercoaster that continuously goes round and round, always the same turns, pikes and hills, never stopping. 

Last few weeks I've gone through a terrible drain again, this time it was even more severe than ever before; it could have become fatal. Now, as in today, I found out by reading the signs that I have been standing still too long at the same point, thought that the point I've made to myself is true. That no-one understands me, no-one has ever been so down as I was. That I should show all the people around how terribly I'm suffering, instead of grabbing myself together. I was confronted with one word that resembled my whole life: "RESPONSIBILITY". Probably I never understood the real meaning of this, although so many signs showed where to go, what to handle. 

Besides the cliche of its meaning, responsibility starts with holding yourself accountable for your own life. And that doesn't mean that you should be beating yourself for failures and mistakes made along the way, no. No, it is being responsible for feeling good that you are accountable of. Nothing comes falling out of the sky into your lap, first you should be at the right spot to grab the opportunities. You can't do so if you're not doing everything to get into that very spot. 

I've lied way too much to everyone around me, it's about to start all over and take a stand. As from now, drama needs to make way for strength. And not only strength to survive, as that strength is nothing more than a desperate boost form your subconsciousness, it has nothing to do with you feeling better, in a way, it even drowns you.